Why “Foofur” is a dark nexus of 1980s voice actors

As any child growing up in the 80s will tell you, Saturday morning and after-school cartoons were all must-watch events. But, if you watched enough of them, you’d start to notice that the voices all sounded eerily similar. Your Pop Rock-addled brain wasn’t lying to you.

Originally, this post was going to be about those voice actors of the 1980s, but I ran across something astounding, and potentially dangerous. With “Beautiful Mind” like intensity, patterns began forming between seemingly unrelated events. It turns out that, not only did most of our favorite voices do the same shows, but they all converged at a center point. A nexus of voice actors, all swirling about an energy vortex of unimaginable power.

Foofur.

“Foofur,” this seemingly innocuous cartoon that gets muddled up with other talking-dog shows like “Clue Club” and “Buford,” was actually some type of dark confluence of voice work, and the fact that it has flown under the radar this long reveals a cover-up of gargantuan proportions.

Was “Foofur” actually a cover for some Freemason-like hub of voice actors? Did they gather to record lines from the blue talking dog before delving into Illuminati-style plans for world domination?

I present to you, dear readers, the Foofur Connection, in hopes that I may somehow force the truth to the surface. Should I fail to surface again within the next week, know that The Foofurites got to me. I may be silenced, but the truth shall be heard.

Peter Cullen:

Kids today know him as Optimus Prime from those “Transformers” movies, but he’s got a resume as long as Commando Joe’s bionic arm. Aside from Prime in the cartoon, he also voiced Ironhide, Mario from “Saturday Supercade,” Coran from “Voltron,” Spoiler and Tank from “GoBots,” Venger from “Dungeons and Dragons,” Zandar from “G.I. Joe,” Captain Crabnasty from “My Little Pony,” Monterey Jack from “Rescue Rangers,” Eeyore from “Winnie the Pooh.” And Baby from “Foofur.”

Don Messick:

Messick is a senior statesman of voice actors, getting his early career rolling with Blip and Zorak on the original “Space Ghost,” the titular character on several incarnations of “Scooby Doo,” Crunch on “Mighty Orbots,” Ratchet and Gears on “Transformers,” Papa Smurf, Astro on “The Jetsons.” And Pepe from “Foofur.”

Frank Welker:

This man is a voice acting legend. His resume is more than 500 titles long and shows amazing diversity. Among some of the more noteworthy: Fred from “Scooby Doo,” Darkseid and Mr. Mxyzptlk from “Super Friends,” Dollar from “Richie Rich,” Iceman from “Spider Man,” Rock n’ Roll/Timber/Wild Bill/Short-Fuse from “G.I. Joe,” Donkey Kong Junior from “Saturday Supercade,” Dark Rider from “Turbo Teen,” Occy from “Snorks,” Scooter from “GoBots,” Uni and Tiamat from “Dungeons and Dragons,” Megatron/Soundwave/Rumble/Frenzy from “Transformers,” Hefty Smurf, Slimer from “The Real Ghostbusters,” BigTime Beagle from “Duck Tales,” Kermit from “Muppet Babies.” And Foofer from “Foofur.”

June Foray:

Aunt May on “Spider Man and his Amazing Friends,” Jokey Smurf, Magica DeSpell on “Duck Tales,” Grammi Gummi on “Gummi Bears.” And various voices on “Foofur.”

And, for the coup de grace, I present to you one more famous voice actor:

Chris Latta:

He was a bold and rising star, voicing Starscream and Wheeljack from “Transformers;” Cobra Commander, Gung-Ho and Ripper from “G.I. Joe,” and Gen. Dire from “Starblazers,” but no Foofur. Strangely, Latta’s IMDB bio lists his death in 1994. Exactly 8 years after the premiere of Foofur.

Coincidence?