5 reasons Vehicle voltron was better than lion voltron

Josh
Thursday
9:55 pm

I’ve recently started re-watching Voltron on Hulu (sorry, Canadians — it’s all we have left), and while it’s been a nostalgia trip, I’m completely annoyed that they’re only carrying the far more popular Lion episodes (GoLion in Japan). As a kid, I was the only one on my block who actually preferred the 15 vehicle Voltron (Armored Dairugger XV) to the lions.

The galactic convoy setting, the broader characters and near-earth reality was much cooler than the “on a planet far away in a castle” crap the Lions rammed down our throat.

But, alas, I seem to be alone in this assertion. So, in an attempt to win you over, lion lovers or anyone who may be on the fence, here are my reasons that vehicle voltron was magnitudes cooler than the lion Voltron:

5. What’s cooler, a lion or an attack helicopter?

This one is only number 5 on the list, because I can understand its debatable nature. Lion Voltron was made up of lions (natch), while Vehicle Voltron was made up of Jet Attack Copters, Submarines and Cars Made Out Of Fists. Allow me to present the facts in visual form to convince you.

If you don’t see which is better, just stop reading now. We’ll only descend into further layers of madness.

4. Jeff was WAY cooler than Keith.

Nobody preferred Iceman over Maverick, right? The cold, distant (and oddly toothy) squad leader couldn’t hold a candle to ‘Mav, America’s hero.

Keith — the pilot of the black lion — was a quiet leader who generally played by the book. He tried to pull off the “brooding” but, but he wasn’t fooling anyone with those eyelashes. See the Iceman comparison I’m going for here?

Jeff, on the other hand, was a rebel. He was hot-headed, quick to anger and action, and, by all accounts pulling rank (if you know what I mean, and I think you do), with both Ginger, a subordinate on his own team, and also Lisa, the sultry vixen lieutenant on the Sea Team.

3. Chip was mildly less annoying than Pidge.

In the redubbed American series, both had an annoying man-child character, so they were labeled as twins by the show’s producers. Their voices were both at the painful level of hot sauce on an open wound, but Pidge sported a horribly improbable hairdo, a headband and glasses that would make Harry Caray envious. So, again, in visual form, allow me to present the evidence:

2. No cartoony mice.

Oh, no! We're a quickly-assembled plot patch!

Remember the little mice in Lion Voltron? Sure you do. They were there to give all the characters a reason to giggle and laugh. Know what we call that in showbiz? Displaced denouement. You don’t have to worry about wrapping up an episode in any realistic fashion — just insert a mouse stealing some cheese, and roll those credits. That same formula would be used 20 years later, except with Hurley instead of mice.

1. It has a 1979 Jeep Wagoneer for a foot.

Did Lion Voltron have a pinnacle of ass-kicking American engineering as part of its boot? More importantly, do you?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution rests.