A movie studio’s shameless attempt to make kids cry

Josh
Sunday
11:37 am

For Christmas, my daughter’s grandparents got her that animated video about the old guy with the balloon house who carries a precocious kid off into the sky.

No, not the one you’re thinking of — the other one.

Yes, there’s a studio which has cinematographical balls big enough to completely steal the big idea from Pixar and Disney. And this isn’t even the first time they’ve done it.

Video Brinquedo, a Brazilian company whose souls have apparently all withered to emaciated husks long ago, has released several films with uncanny resemblances to Pixar releases. “The Little Cars,” released just months after Pixar’s “Cars,” follows some anthropomorphic vehicles in a great race. Oh, there’s also “Ratatoing,” which is about a rat who’s also a chef. If that’s not enough, you also have “Little Bee” and “Heavyweight Panda.”

But, back to the DVD at hand. The movie’s title, “What’s Up Balloon to the Rescue,” is cleverly lettered to emphasize the words “Up.” This is most likely the handy ploy used to woo grandparents who see this DVD for magnitudes less than “that other Up movie with the balloon.”

The touted "eye popping animation."

The movie’s jacket touts the film’s “eye-popping animation,” a sentiment with which I wholeheartedly concur. If nothing else, the animation will definitely leave your eyes wanting to pop out of your head. And run to the sweet embrace of death.

Look: The visuals resemble a 45-minute final project for a freshman computer animation class, and have the look of someone trying really hard to master Blender while working in it. The camera is entirely static, except when it jerkily warps to another angle before stopping abruptly.

Plot: However, once you get the basic “hot air balloon attached to a house” metaphor out of the way, the movie goes its own way. A scientist has a magic stone that allows his house to fly. Him and his team of demon hunters (yeah, I know), go soaring off. When the magic stone gets stolen, three jungle demons appear, and stuff happens, love conquers all, and somebody gets the girl, or not… I don’t really know. The plot isn’t the worst part of the movie — it’s pretty formulaic and acceptable enough for kid fare.

Not the A-Team you're getting.

Voice acting: This is one of the rough patches. The movie has been dubbed from it’s native Brazilian Portugese into English by “The A Team From AudioWorks Producers Group.” And while nobody admitted to “not gettin’ on no plane,” the entire cast’s milk was obviously drugged, resulting in a lethargic and phoned-in batch of dialogue and acting.

But don’t take my word for it. You can watch the whole thing for yourself, provided you have the stomach for it and want to completely destroy 50 minutes of your life. Or you can just watch a little sample below: